Cancellation of Taiwan Trip

I just backed out from the Taiwan trip that I used to be looking forward to. Reason for backing out is I don’t feel like going anymore, or at least not with GK. If that is the case why I agreed to go with her in the first place? That is because I thought I will be able to tolerate her.
I have known her since I joined the company through another colleague, and we got along quite well, though a bit trying at times as she is not a very easy person to get along with. I have known all of her flaws before agreeing to go with her, and I have to admit that I do not have that good a temper myself.
When we first booked the air ticket, we were very excited about the trips. Constantly talking about the places we want to go, things we want to do, to try when we reached there. We set the date for the trip to be from 12 Feb to 23 Feb, 11days, a long holiday so we can visit more places at a relaxed pace.
When the initial planning time comes, things happened. Though we have a lot of common places that we want to go, there are also differences, example zoo and mao kong. And when I suggested them initially she discarded them as low X2 priority. Which means, will only consider if we have too much spare time, so I kept quiet. To me it is quite alright, as long as the most of the places in the plan is where I want to go or don’t mind going is ok.
We scheduled a brain storming session to put our thoughts into a schedule so we will know how much time we have and how much time we have to stay at each places, as we planned to visit Kaohsiung and Tai Chung as well. During the long brain storming session she did not really gave much input and we realize for Taipei area, we got too much spare time. So we decided to go back and see where else we can go. Later, she told me that she isn’t thinking during the session most of the time she is just spacing off, and after going through the itinerary, she wants to change some stuff in the schedule, though I was a little irritated, but I was quite ok with it.
After some research via trip advisor, she saw a person’s itinerary with zoo and mao kong, and that after going to a lot places, the person still have a lot of time. Then she suggested going there. When she made the suggestion, I just replied I have these places in mind in the first place, but when I told you rated them as low X2 priority, so I kept quiet. Then she started complaining that I did not bring them up at all during the brain storm session, carrying on and on. So I got a bit pissed and told her that I did bring up before the session and that she is the one discarding the idea so simply, so why would I want to bring them up again, and that I am going according to most of her plan, without complaining, what else is she unhappy about. Knowing that I wasn’t very happy about it, she asked me to list down the places that I have in mind so she can try putting it into the itinerary. I appreciated it when she asked me to do that, as I know that she is trying to make peace, so I decided to let things pass. This is the first argument we had.
When I sent her my list (a very short one), she complained that my itinerary format is too good, research too organized that she felt stressful using. And so I asked her to use her own format, since she is not comfortable with mine. But she still continues to rant on and on (as usual). And I got irritated again. Easily irritated aren’t I, but I really can’t help it as one conflict happens after another, all the irritations builds up. Maybe I am just being petty, but my excitement for the trip gets dampened. And slowly I am no longer looking forward to it anymore.
She will show me her draft itinerary once in a while to see if I am ok with it. Usually I will just glance through, without giving much input as I already feel tired of all those disagreement and stuff and since most of the places I wanted to go are in the itinerary, the timing and other arrangement I leave it up to her. As I think in order for this trip to be successful one side have to give in, and so I shall be the one. Not wanting to be great but rather I don’t mind just going along. If there are things that I am not happy with I will voice out, example, I do not want to visit too many temple, one or two is fine, but not all. But I can see that she isn’t too happy that I did not give much input. After all the ‘rejection’ gotten whenever inputs are asked, sooner or later you won’t want to voice out anymore.
The ignition point came when she told me if we can’t liaised with the Taipei part then she don’t mind going on our separate ways. I exploded. From my standpoint, I agree to go travelling with her because we are travelling together. And after all the ‘giving in’ (though it’s no big deal), she tell me she don’t mind going separate ways. I told her that the whole idea of going travelling together is to tour together and not each going their own way if that is the case I would have gone travelling alone instead of going with her. Maybe I got weird logic, but at that point I really gotten very angry with her. My excitement for the trip is totally lost.
After telling her my standpoint, she did not bring up the topic of travelling on separate ways anymore. She will still send me link on hotel and hostel asking my view, which is my preference or am I ok with some arrangement. I did reply her but not as keen as I previously was.
From the point of my ‘explosion’ today, we had not seen each other or talk to each other, she will just send me an email, of changes. We used to be lunch-mate, but we had not had lunch together for a long period of time. Initially she will drop a message saying she will not be lunching with me. Recently, she didn’t even bother. No reason, nothing.
Last week she messaged me via office communicator, stating that she has sent email to hotel making enquiries. Then she asked me aren’t I even excited about the trip? It is in less than a month. Then I told her after all these frictions, my mood is really dampened, my excitement level has dropped till zero. Then she replied that she rather be going happily than unhappily. I get worked up over her reply. What I said to her was quite harsh actually. I told her that she is the one that dampened my mood and make me pissed, so don’t talk to me about going happily or unhappily. For me, I felt that she don’t really cared how I feel and don’t take to heart about things I have said. All she said is hope I get over my anger soon, and did not contact me since then.
Just when I was thinking, maybe I should not be so petty and unforgiving, I shall attune myself and get over whatever unhappiness that happened previously, after all, I do not want to waste my money, waste the trip and lose a friend. I received an email from her last night:-
‘Are you feeling better? Hope you are less angry now. You know, I have been thinking about it for the past week, I think sometimes I do not really mean something when I said, it just kind of blurt out but you seem to take it seriously. As a result a lot of miscommunications and unhappiness occur. Im not sure if you have gotten over it by now, but I guess like what you said, I have managed to really piss and anger you, and I do not want such things to happen again. Therefore I guess it’s better for you and for me not to travel together…’
Then I begin to wonder, did she ever really take in what I have said to her, and is there a point to the trip. The initial objective is to go together happily, now she is telling me that it’s better for us not to travel together. Now my excitement lever for the trip has gone from zero to negative. And I decide to back out from the trip. It is better to waste the airfare ($425) than go and spend another 1+k and not being happy about it. After all, 2k isn’t a small amount of money. At least to me it isn’t.
I have sent her an email telling her all the things that I am not happy about (all I have told her before), and that I won’t be going with her. I feel very bad about this. As I know by not going, means she has to either not go or pay the full price for accommodation instead of sharing the price with me. And I know that once I have told her not going, it would mean an end to a friendship, by going along there might be a chance to sustain this friendship but it’s just a chance, there is no affirmation that it will happen.
Well, since I have sent out the email on my intention, there is no turning back. I can only go ahead. But I really regretted agreeing to go with her to Taiwan in the first place, if not I would not have to lose a friend, no matter if she is a good friend or not. I guess I can’t blame her fully; if only I have handled the situation better, communicate with her more (though there are times when we really can’t communicate), maybe things won’t end up this way. But it’s already too late…
She has not reply and I am not sure if she will or not. So let’s just see what will happen…